The following is a satirical article for The DisreGuardian, a series of articles published annually for The Guardian’s April Fool’s issue. Features will resume publishing normal content next week.

“If you stay spaghetti, you ain’t gotta get spaghetti” is pretty classic Ru, but the deadpanned “Carbs are important, hashtag love it” is what sends this into the stratosphere. The lens-less frames ...